Balance

A few days ago, as I was riding the bus home and looking out the window, I saw several vespas and bikes squeezing between the moving bus and parked cars. I marveled at the drivers' abilities to maneuver between the side mirrors of parked cars and the side of a moving bus. I thought, "Wow, that takes a lot of balance and control." Yet they seemed to do it with ease and I thought that I would have DEFINITELY hit something if it were me driving! Then I realized that balance and control are exactly what I've been trying to find in these last 4.5 weeks.

The vespas drivers and bike riders have to know how to drive slowly in a lot of traffic and not hit anything, swerve too much, or fall over (all obstacles that I have so far fortunately avoided on my bike), but also know when to drive with a purpose and move along with traffic and not hit a pothole on the side of the road when the side of the road is the only space available to drive/ride (also an issue I haven't encountered yet, but it seems very probable that I will at some point). These last few days, I've been thinking about my balance in life. I haven't hit any metaphorical parked cars or potholes, nor have I fallen over, but I feel like I'm swerving a little.

The rhythm of my life here so far fluctuates between a slow, calm, meandering "go with the flow" attitude and a fast-paced, intense, stressful state of mind. I guess the same balance is needed when I'm at home in California, but it has been harder to find that balance and to stay in control here because I'm in a new place with new people, a new culture, a new language, and a new rhythm of life. I don't feel like I'm in danger of breaking down and losing all control, but some days have been harder than others. It's definitely lonelier here because I'm not surrounded by all my friends in the dorm hall, or have the easy access to a car, or have my dad's amazing meals. My brain is a bit overwhelmed with all the social and academic input it has received these last few weeks. I know I will find my balance at some point during the year, but change is always hard at the beginning, and I wish I could have control over my life and mental/emotional state just like the vespa drivers and bike riders have over their two-wheeled vehicles.

Backpacking this summer--I guess I found the balance to cross the river! Friends and family are my current safety ropes to keep me sane.